FFF "Then and Now"

The theme this week is then and now. The first photo is our baby Tabitha's referral picture from Feb. 2007. The second is Tabitha Feb 2008

She walks!!!

Tabitha took her first steps tonight!!! Tim says that she actually took A step last night, but tonight she walked about 6 feet before getting a little wobbly and sitting down. She is so funny, she holds her legs and walks like a little Frankenstein---you know stiff legged! It was so cute and I'm so happy that I got to see it. I'm usually not at home on Wednesday evenings because I go to choir practice at the church, but I stayed home tonight because I'm behind on paperwork for my job and I have a bit of a scratchy sore throat. I'm so glad that I was able to see her walk, she did it a few times. The first time she did it I was so amazed that I didn't even have the camera! We got her to do it again, and this time I got it on film! I'll try to download the video, but I'm not sure if I can or not. God is so good!

Decisions, Decisions!

Well, Daddy took Tabitha to the pediatrician today for her follow up. She was cleared to go back to daycare since she's been fever free for several days. Tabitha still has a runny nose and a terrible cough though. I picked her up from daycare today and now find myself questioning why I ever chose this daycare. Tabitha actually started crying and quickly crawling toward me when I went to pick her up today. She was so pathetic. She obviously did not want to be there.
I discovered that my hunches were correct about the daycare worker having the flu also. I found out today that she also missed the whole week last week because she was off with the flu. You know they strongly encourage healthcare workers, and people who work with children and the elderly to get a flu shot. This person did NOT have a flu shot---surprise, surprise and apparently thought nothing of coming to work that Friday, the 8th, sick and exposing EVERYONE to her germs!
Tabitha of course, did not take a nap today, they said "she screamed, so we just let her sit up" and she ate virtually nothing and drank very little. I'm starting to wonder, is it really worth the money that I'm paying them. Yes, I got credit of half the tuition that I paid last week toward this week's tuition, but that is $75 I paid last week in essense and she wasn't even there! Plus, she got the flu, so there's the money for the pediatrician, and the prescriptions, and the days off of work that I had to take without pay, and the days off that Tim had to take....well you get the picture, it's expensive. BUT what is more expensive than all of that stuff is the emotional distress that it has been placed on Tabitha. So we as a family sat down and discussed this problem tonight. We came to the conclusion that we will keep her here for now, and start looking at some other daycare centers, and talk to the current one about her attending only half time. I'm not sure that they will let us send her half time (they don't make as much money) or not. But Tim is suppose to call and discuss it with the director of the daycare tomorrow. We'll see.

Pictures to brighten the day!

Tabitha is still sick, but I promised pictures. So, hope you enjoy them!


Tabitha loves her "see through maraca" that she made at daycare.

How does this thing work again?


Ah ha I get it, what fun!

Tabitha love these animals, they all sing and move!

Poor baby

Well it happened a lot quicker than I thought that it would, Tabitha is sick. My poor baby has the flu! I knew that she would be exposed to more germs going to daycare, but I expected a cold or something relatively minor first. NO, my baby girl has to go and get the flu! I feel so bad for her, she looks miserable. We caught it early though and she is able to take Tamiflu, so hopefully that will reduce the severity of her case. The pediatrician actually recommended that the whole family take Tamiflu even though we all had a flu shot. SO, my doctor called in prescriptions for all of us! Que sera sera. I promise to post pictures soon of our sweet baby girl.

I've been tagged!

This is Tag, You're It...blogger style...


There are 5 rules to being tagged:

1. The rules are to link the person who sent this and leave a comment on their blog so their readers can visit yours.
2. Post the rules on your blog.
3. Share 7 strange/weird facts about yourself.
4. Tag 7 random people at the end of your post and link their blog.
5. Let each person know they've been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

I've been tagged by Marianne,
www.fromguatemalawithlove-olivia.blogspot.com

1. I live in South Carolina, and have a dog named "General Sherman"---not too good since I live in Columbia!

2. I am terrified of snakes and bugs. I'll scream for my husband if I see a bug in the house.

3. I hate housework!

4. My mother lives with me, and does our laundry!

5. I love chocolate, but hate chocolate ice cream---weird isn't it?

6. I love dogs, I have 3 of them and would love to have more!

7. I once sprained my thumb by getting it tangled in the netting of a laundry basket, guess it's a good thing that my mom does the laundry!


OK, I tagged 5 people but I'm not listing links, I'll just put names:

Kelly

Sabra & Bus

Saron, Anna Maria's mom

Amy

Maria F.

Back to work! (long post)

Monday, yesterday, was my first day back to work. I have been back to work 2 days now. I've been chomping at the bit for a while now to get back into my regular life routine. I'd been off of work for 12 weeks. I hadn't really planned to be off that long, that's just sort of how it worked out. We'd saved money for me to be off because while my company allows me to take off 12 weeks as "maternity leave", it is unpaid. You use your benefit time that you have accrued (vacation and sick) and then it's time off without pay. However, we had only saved about 8 weeks worth of pay----ouch!

Being off hadn't really been the "sweet" time that I had envisioned. I had so been looking forward to the day that we could bring Tabitha home. This whole adoption process had been one big and long roller coaster ride and I wanted to be with my baby girl! We decided to go to Guatemala early (before our pink had come) in order to be with Tabitha--I was worried about her because she had had poor weight gain---my pediatrician actually labelled Tabitha as "failure to thrive". I'm a nurse, and I was a pediatric nurse for 16 years before switching to adult patient care. I know that "failure to thrive" is not a good thing. Those babies have poor weight gain because they are either sick or are simply not being fed enough calories. I feel Tabitha is the latter. Failure to thrive babies often have problems with attachment. Tabitha I do believe has bonded and attached with us, but I do note that she is bonded better with Daddy. Perhaps there was a problem with the foster mom and her attachment or maybe Tabitha has been grieving for her foster mom and therefore hasn't bonded as well with me.

I have to confess that there had been times while I was off on leave that I really wondered if I was a good mom, because I wanted to get back to work. I had said before, that I had wanted to be a stay at home mom. I changed my mind! I admire those moms who do stay at home, but it's not for me. I guess I had pictured a "perfect" life like you see in movies, TV programs or read about....well, let me tell you, it's no perfect life here. Tabitha is a beautiful sweet child until it comes time for eating or going to bed. She has some real eating hangups. Mind you, she has come a long, long way since we came home. She does not like to eat though. It is a major ordeal to get her to eat and she doesn't like to drink more than a few ounces of milk. So, I'm guessing that she had these behaviors with the foster mom as well, and fm didn't push her to eat....which explains why Tabitha only weighed 14lb 12 ounces when we got her. I must say that she was up to 17lb 2 ounces when she went to the pediatrician.

I didn't talk about my feelings of inadequacy and doubting my mothering skills for a long time....I guess that I was afraid to, or actually I was embarrassed to admit that I was actually somewhat depressed! I felt like, "hey I should be over the moon happy because I had what I had longed to have for so long--my baby was home!" But I wasn't. I felt like after all of the hype and build up to getting her home that well, I should be happier. I went out to lunch with a friend though a few weeks back and she began to share with me how she felt after adopting her first child. She said that she actually felt at times like maybe they had made a mistake.....WOW! I'm not the only one who's had thoughts like that! It felt so good to actually talk to someone about how I was feeling. I had once said to my mother that I felt like I had "post partum depression". You know, I wasn't far off in that line of thinking, there is actually a condition called post adoption depression. From what I've read about it, it is very common and more adoptive mothers have it than you think about. People often think that since we adopted a child and really planned for it that we SHOULD be happy all of the time. You know, we CHOSE to become parents, it wasn't like an "accident" that happened in the back seat of a car.

I am glad to say that my depression lifted and I do think that I did NOT make a mistake adopting Tabitha. Despite the fact that I had been "chomping at the bit" to get back to work, I cried yesterday when I left Tabitha at daycare. Tabitha, she could have cared less, there were people to give her attention, toys to play with- she didn't shed a tear. Ms. Tabitha does have to adjust to the daycare routine though. For the two days that she's been going to daycare, she hasn't wanted to take a nap---guess she's afraid she'll miss something! I do hope that changes soon because she's one crabby little girl by the time bedtime rolls around!

Thank you all for reading my blog, it's a place for me to vent and share with people that I hope will understand. Please leave your comments, I appreciate reading them.
I'll keep you posted on our adventures!

One Year Ago Today

It was 1 year ago today that we accepted the referral of our precious little girl and signed the POA. We had seen her beautiful little face in the photolistings section of Rainbow Kids. We were still anxiously awaiting the arrival of our I-171H to arrive and weren't sure if we would be allowed to accept a referral yet. You see, all of the photolistings for baby girls said "must have I-171H in hand". Then she became available, and the listing didn't say that we must have our I-171H, it only said that we must have an approved Homestudy. I knew the moment that I saw her picture that she was our daughter! She was the most beautiful little thing that I had seen. The 6th of February we signed our POA and thus began the adoption process.

It's Friday!

Tabitha has discovered a new way to use her saucer! She loves to crawl into the saucer portion under the seat. If you look closely you'll see a little grin on her face!